The Collaring Ceremony

Writer’s note: This is part of a much longer entry, titled Changes.

“The Sub” and I recently celebrated our 5 year anniversary, about a week before “The Hub and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I’ve had submissive’s before him (and a few in the time we have been together, since I am poly), but “The Sub” and I have had a particularly interesting relationship. He is a switch, generally speaking, and I am a Dominant who enjoys bottoming to certain activities and types of play. Our relationship evolved very organically over the years, and he is many things to me. He is my slave, and he is also my Master. He is my friend, my lover (in certain ways – more on that later), my confidante, and the person I share the deepest and darkest parts of my BDSM nature with. He has lived with my husband and I for over 4 years, and my son refers to him as “Uncle”. He has been a part of my family through many life-changing events, including the death of my father and the birth and death of my business.

Two nights ago, in the middle of the night, we had played, and were snuggling and providing aftercare to one another. We were enjoying what has become much of a “renaissance” in our relationship over the last couple of months, and were talking about the ring that I gave him a few years ago, as a quiet, daily reminder of his submission, that he still wears every day. It’s nothing fancy, but beloved by both of us.

I have had submissives wear collars during play over the years. I’ve even had a few that earned something similar to his ring. But I have never collared someone formally. To me, collaring someone for real is in many ways the BDSM equivalent of a marriage. It’s not necessarily something I only intend on doing once (given that I am poly only in the context of BDSM), but it is something that I place just as much gravitas on, and I had always anticipated it would takes years to reach that point with someone.

I was right about that last bit. 5 years, in this case. But as we talked, we both realized that we wanted to have a real collaring ceremony. It’s time. And, much like when I married my husband, it’s not that “It’s time.” because we want to take the next step in our relationship; it is an acknowledgement of where our relationship already is. We have already committed to each other that way, and the ceremony is to celebrate that fact, not create it. My husband is my partner in the journey of life, and my submissive is my partner in my journey through D/s. It is the same depth of commitment, if not the same feeling or area of application.

So, it is official. We are having a mutual collaring ceremony in the spring. Yes, mutual. We are more than just Mistress and slave to one another, and we want this ceremony to reflect and celebrate all the different roles that we are to one another, even if it is not the “standard” way of doing things even within a subculture that is based on not being “standard”. My husband will be performing the ceremony, which naturally felt right to all of us. It’s going to be small, with only our closest friends and a few family members who are aware and supportive, like my mom (though obviously not my son, as that would obviously be inappropriate). Nothing fancy or expensive, just like the ring he wears now.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

An Anonymous Outsider