The Paths Ahead

I’ve been trying to figure out how to go about “Choosing My Own Path” (that’s a link to the entry explaining what the heck I’m talking about). When you’ve spent your whole life getting swept along, it’s hard to know what to do with an opportunity to set your own course. The chance is in front of me, I’m excited to have it, and still completely unsure of how to proceed in terms of actually deciding.

I wanted to have this all figured out so I could blog about it then. But I think that blogging might be an important part of this process. It probably won’t be clean and well put together. But appearing clean and put together is not what my blog has ever been about: it’s been about being able to show the messy side of my life without fear of reproach. So here it goes.

I’m trying to focus on what I’m interested in first and foremost, with it’s ability to financially benefit me in any way being a secondary thought. This isn’t because finances aren’t a concern, but because I feel that finances have dictated far too many of my life choices over the years before now.

So, here are my random thoughts on the things that keep snagging in my brain as things I want to possibly pursue, even if I’m not yet sure how and why.

Antiques

Antiques are still a huge passion for me, but I feel like if I am going to continue in antiques or resale (separately or together), I need to pick a couple of areas to specialize in, and not generalize as much. The types of antiques that are coming to mind as ones that I would love to become more educated about and pursue would be tobacciana, books, currency (mostly coins), and perhaps snuff bottles and various antique erotic novelties. I’m not sure whether this is something I would want to focus on merely collecting, or continuing a more specialized version of my previous antiques business, but if I am going to continue pursuing antiques as a passion, those would be the areas I think I would want to focus on.

Mathematics

I want to give myself the math education that I missed. It’s not really a money making venture, but something I feel like I need to do for me. So I need to placement test myself, and set a curriculum and some sort of study schedule. Even if it’s one multi hour chunk per week it would go a long way. It can also help give a good example to my kiddo about how learning is not confined to school hours and homework, which is important to me.

Tarot

Doing a Tarot reading for a friend last night reminded me just how fascinated by Tarot I had been, and how much I still want to learn. I want to finish my tarot definition book that I begun nearly two years ago, with definitions drawn from multiple sources, and I want to get more comfortable with different spreads again and reading more and more “off book”. Eventually, this could be a money making venture, but I want to delve further into it either way.

Art

I’d like to do more collage art, perhaps growing to include old photos and other things like that into my quote based collages. However I do it, I need to be creating something in a physical medium. Not sure how this will make money either, but it’s particularly good for my mental health and coping with my anxiety at a minimum.

Writing

I know I want to start dedicating specific time to blogging, even if the set aside time can’t be daily. I want to start polishing my children’s story, and I have multiple other book ideas that I would love to spend some time on. It’s unlikely, but it could maybe become a source of money way down the line.

BDSM

I know I want to get back into more local community involvement, for sure. I miss going to classes and events. It also really helped keep my relationship with the sub fresh, and helped us avoid getting into ruts. It’s not a monetary thing, but is such an important part of my identity that it needs to be given more attention. And it could theoretically be a source of income if I decided to do phone sessions again, though that seems highly unlikely at this point.

Taking Time to Focus on Mental Health

This is listed last but it is far from last in terms of importance. Whatever I do in any of the other areas, it needs to be done with my mental health in mind, and my focus needs to be there first and foremost above all else. Dealing with my mental illness proactively helps with every single other area of my life, and it needs to be the priority. I’ve been trying to figure out what I feel like I need time for, what the word is, and it’s something resembling exile or retreat. Time for introspection and growth, both spiritually and mentally. And I know from experience that a retreat doesn’t have to mean going into the woods and living like a hermit.

Though, that does sound kind of nice, some days. I could see myself happily chopping wood every day, carving out an existence with my bare hands someday.

I may not have solid answers yet. But it’s a start.

An Anonymous Outsider

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3 thoughts on “The Paths Ahead

  1. Good luck in whichever path you choose. Speaking of tobacco, we were in an antique mall in Charelston, WV recently and spotted an old cigar shop wooden Indian. Thing had to be 100 years old. It was super cool and, if we’d had room, he would’ve been comin home with us. It was about 5 ft tall and faded and weather beaten. Killer!

    Liked by 1 person

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